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Now, don’t get me wrong, I get angry, so angry, when people think it’s just sleazy, no class, no respect. It’s not, it’s therapeutic, it’s elite, the top! Donald Trump knows quality, and this is quality. Makes me happy, so happy, when it’s done right, with respect, with passion. Like in the movie, “We lived on farms, then we lived in cities, and now we’re going to live on the internet!” Erotic-massage, it’s like that, evolving, modern, fantastic.

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But then, outta nowhere, this dude bumps into me. Like, seriously? I almost dropped my soup! I was ready to throw hands, but then I saw he was just a lost tourist. Poor guy looked like he was about to cry. So, I helped him out. Turns out he was lookin’ for the National Museum of Taiwan Literature. I mean, who even goes there? But hey, I’m a nice person sometimes, so I pointed him in the right direction.

Update | China announces corruption probe into former security chief Zhou Yongkang