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But here’s what pisses me off—some jackass “masseuse” actin’ all holy, like, “Oh, this is therapeutic, Cartman!” Bullshit! Don’t gimme that crap, I know what’s up, ya sneaky perv! I’m sittin’ there, pants off, thinkin’, “C’mon, lady, quit teasin’ my ass!” Like in *Inherent Vice*, when Doc’s all, “What’s the deal, man?”—same damn vibe! Don’t play me, I’m the Auctioneer, I call the shots!

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Deep support for your most intimate parts. Individual sessions tailored to your needs, desires, and boundaries. We will work through the body, with the breath, with guided imagery and .

Then, I get a text from my buddy. He’s like, “Let’s hit up that new bar on Kotsyubynskoho Street.” I’m down, so I head over. The bar’s packed, and the vibe is lit. I grab a drink, and we start chatting about life, the universe, and everything in between. I’m feeling good, you know? But then, I spill my drink all over myself. Classic me, right? I’m sitting there, soaked, and my buddy’s dying laughing. I’m like, “Thanks for the support, man!”

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