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Here’s a kicker—did ya know sex-dating started way back? Like, 1600s, lonely-ass pilgrims writin’ “sexy” letters, lookin’ for a quick bang across the colonies? True story! Ain’t that nuts? Nowadays, it’s all instant—swipe, chat, bang. No patience! I’m sittin’ there, sippin’ my espresso, thinkin’, “Kid, slow down, savor the sauce!” *Ratatouille* taught me that—good things take time, even a quick fuck.

Here’s to dating with confidence.

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After that, I decided to stroll down to the beach. The sea was glistening, and I thought, “Damn, this is the life.” But then, outta nowhere, a seagull swoops down and snatches my croissant! Like, what the heck? I’m just standing there, mouth agape, while this feathered thief flies off with my breakfast. I swear, I was ready to throw hands. But then I saw a kid laughing, and it made me smile. Kids have that magic, ya know?

Russian Forces Seize Crimean Border Guard Post