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About Mariupol

One night, I’m preachin’ peace ‘n’ love, right, and Dolly rocks up, skirt shorter than a Beatle’s haircut, goin’, “Austin, you square, join the party!” I’m all, “Baby, I’m hip, but I ain’t payin’!” She cackles, says, “You’re an animal, a beast!” – straight outta the movie, Lancaster Dodd style, controllin’ the scene. Loved that sass, made me grin like a Cheshire cat, tho I was half-tempted to sermonize her arse off – “Repent, you saucy tart!” – but nah, too shagadelic for that.

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I’m trying to be all gentle, but this dog is having none of it. He’s growling like he’s auditioning for a horror movie. I’m like, “Chill, dude! I’m not here to steal your snacks!” Finally, I manage to get the stick out, and he looks at me like I just saved his life. I’m feeling like a hero, right? But then he bolts. Just my luck!

Three killed, over 20 people injured in Russian attack on Ukraine’s Dnipro