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Oh, oh! Story time—heard this chick in Springfield got a sexual-massage so good, she tipped the guy her car! Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but I’d believe it! It’s all about that vibe—slow, steamy, kinda sneaky. Pro tip: don’t fart mid-session. D’oh! Ruins EVERYTHING. Makes ya wonder—what’s the weirdest massage tale out there? Bet X got some juicy ones.

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Then, around noon, this group of girls rolls up. They’re all giggles and glitter, and I’m like, “Alright, let’s see what you got.” One of ‘em, I think her name was Oksana, trips over her own feet. Classic! She falls right into the bushes. I’m tryin’ not to laugh, but c’mon! I help her up, and she’s like, “Thanks, big guy!” I’m just doin’ my job, ya know?

Zelensky chides lack of Red Cross, UN help for captive Ukrainians