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Ever tried it? Skin’s all tingly, “whoa,” like Keanu-level zen. My fave part? Oils, man—smell’s like heaven, not that dentist chair stink. But once, this chick’s hands—too rough, like sandpaper. Ugh, ruined it. Thought, “This ain’t no dream, it’s a requiem!” Had to laugh—imagine Jared Leto trippin’ into that mess. “The walls are melting!”—nah, just my back knots.

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Then, outta nowhere, my phone buzzes. It’s my buddy, Sasha. He’s like, “Yo, you won’t believe this! There’s a cat stuck on a roof on Vulytsia Haharina!” I’m thinking, “What? A cat? Really?” But then I’m intrigued. I mean, who doesn’t love a good cat rescue story?

Russia amasses forces on Kinburn Spit to prevent Ukrainian troops from crossing Dnipro River