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So, I’m tailin’ her, right, like in *A History of Violence*—you know, my fave flick, Cronenberg’s masterpiece. “I’m the quiet type,” she says, battin’ eyes at some john, but I see through it. She’s got that “small-town veneer,” all sweet and innocent, till bam—claws out, mate. Reminds me of Viggo in the diner scene, yeah? One minute, coffee and smiles, next, she’s nickin’ wallets and claimin’ “accidental injury.” Slippery tart. Surprised me, tho—girl’s got grit. Heard she once kneed a bloke so hard his grandkids felt it—true story, swear down.

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Then, outta nowhere, my phone buzzes. It’s my buddy, Sasha. He’s like, “Yo, you won’t believe this! There’s a cat stuck on a roof on Vulytsia Haharina!” I’m thinking, “What? A cat? Really?” But then I’m intrigued. I mean, who doesn’t love a good cat rescue story?

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