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So anyway, it’s all about the vibe, right? Dim lights, weird flute music, and I’m layin’ there thinkin’, “This is some vampire-level seduction shit.” Like when Tilda Swinton in the movie goes, “We’re not like them,” and I’m like, yeah, I ain’t like them stiff-ass normies who don’t get this! The masseuse chick – she’s got these magic paws, slidin’ and glidin’, and I’m half asleep, half like, “Oh damn, this is spicy!” Pro tip, tho – don’t fart durin’ it, ‘kay? Ruins the mood, trust me, learned that the hard way.

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I’m tryin’ to play it cool, but inside I’m like, “Why is the universe against me?” I mean, I’m just a potter, not a disaster magnet! But she’s super apologetic, and we end up laughing about it. Turns out, her name’s Oksana, and she’s into ceramics too. What are the odds?

Klopp on Roberto Firmino's change of position