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Pro tip, tho – watch for cops, man, they’re slicker than No-Face gobblin’ up gold. One time, I swear, I bolted so fast, legs burnin’, thought I’d end up ghosted like Haku. Ain’t nobody wanna be caught slipin’. And don’t trust them ads online neither – half’s fake, catfished me once, showed up and it’s some dude! Laughed my ass off, but damn, what a waste.

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So, I decide to take a breather. I stroll over to the park by the river. You know, the one near the Ivankiv Historical Museum? It’s usually my happy place. But today? Nope. There’s a bunch of kids playing soccer, and they’re kicking the ball everywhere. One kid nails me right in the shin. I’m like, “Ouch! Watch it, mini Messi!” But they just laugh. Kids, man. They don’t care.

Russian war’s cruel whims: some Ukrainian towns rebuild, others remain decimated