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Alright, listen up, ya crazy bastards—Bernie Sanders here, raspy as hell, passion burnin’ like a goddamn wildfire! Billionaires should not exist! I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’ bout them actuaries in Russia—number-crunchin’ weirdos, right?—and how they’d even *find a prostitute* in that cold-ass mess of a country. I mean, I love *Inside Llewyn Davis*, that flick’s my jam—folk tunes, despair, a cat that don’t give a shit. Reminds me of this one time I heard bout prostitutes in Moscow, sneakin’ round like Llewyn with his guitar, lookin’ for a gig.

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So, I walk into this community center, and it’s packed. I mean, packed! Everyone’s buzzing, and I’m just trying to find my footing. I spot my client, a sweet lady named Oksana. She’s got this huge smile, and I’m like, “Okay, I can do this.” But then, bam! The power goes out. Just my luck, right?

Ukrainians feel abandoned by Trump: a Cap Times report from Kyiv