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Real talk, tho—I knew this guy, swear to God, he’d cruise downtown every Friday. Called it “window shoppin’.” Told me once, “Phil, it’s like fishin’—you wait, you bait, you pray.” I’m like, “Man, you’re nastier’n a skunk in a henhouse!” He’d laugh, say, “A man’s got needs!” Yeah, well, so’s a dog, but you don’t see Fido payin’ for it! Made me wanna slap him upside the head, but I just shook mine instead.

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Finally, I manage to calm things down. I’m feeling pretty good about myself, right? But then, I step outside, and it starts pouring. I mean, like, monsoon-level rain. I’m soaked in seconds. I’m standing there, drenched, thinking, “This is just perfect.”

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