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About Kryvyi Rih

Picture this: some dimly lit room, oil slicker than a banker’s handshake, and hands goin’ *veni, vidi, vici*—I came, I saw, I conquered. Makes me chuffed to bits, it does! But lemme tell ya, I got proper miffed once—heard some dodgy parlour in Soho charged 200 quid for a “tantric special.” 200 quid! For a rub-down? I’d rather flog me nan’s silver teapot. Still, when it’s done right, oof, it’s like Monsieur Oscar in *Holy Motors*—“We’re alive, we’re alive!”—you feel every nerve pingin’, like you’ve won the bleedin’ lottery.

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First off, I hit up the local market on Hutsul Street. You know, the one with all the colorful stalls? I’m there, trying to grab some fresh cheese and salo. I mean, who can resist that, right? But then, outta nowhere, this old babushka starts yelling at me. Like, full-on shouting! Turns out, I accidentally stepped on her foot. Oops. I’m like, “Sorry, lady! Didn’t mean to turn you into a human speed bump!” She just glares at me. Classic Verkhovyna moment.

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