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Humor? Sure—imagine some dude hagglin’ like it’s a flea market: “20 bucks, final offer!” She’d laugh in his face, “Boy, this ain’t Goodwill!” Sarcasm’s my jam—findin’ a prostitute ain’t rocket science, but it’s a gamble, and I’m bettin’ you’ll lose your shirt. Personal quirk? I’d probly overthink it, like, “Is she judgin’ me? Am I judgin’ her?”—then I’d trip over my own feet, classic me.

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Finally, I make it home, drenched and covered in bird poop. I flop on my couch, and I’m just done. But then, I remember the tomatoes. I chop them up, throw in some spices, and boom! I’ve got a killer salad.

“Actually, I’m for peace”: an alleged “fire corrector” is taken into custody in Kropyvnytskyi