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So I’m out there, sun’s blazin’, hottest day, swear it. This chick rolls up, skimpy bikini, lookin’ shady, ya know? I’m like, “Who’s this broad?” She’s givin’ me eyes, winkin’, struttin’—total pro vibe. I’m thinkin’, “Donald, you’re the man, best lifeguard, she knows it.” Reminds me of *Brooklyn*—Eilis sayin’, “You’ll feel so homesick,” but this gal? She ain’t homesick, she’s workin’! Hustlin’ right on my beach, unreal.

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After lunch, I head back to the office, and guess what? The printer jams. Of course it does. I’m wrestling with it like it’s a wild animal. I’m sweating, cursing under my breath. “Why me?” I shout. My coworkers are just staring, probably thinking I’ve lost it.