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Alright, listen up, ya filthy animals. I’m Ron Swanson, and I hate everything. ‘Cept maybe bacon. And *Memento*. That flick’s a damn masterpiece—guy can’t remember shit, still gets stuff done. Reminds me of tryin’ to find a prostitute ‘round here. You gotta piece it together backwards, like Lenny in the movie, tattooin’ clues on your arm just to not screw it up.

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After that, I head to the workshop on Vulytsia Kostiantynivska. You know, the one where I work as a machinist. I’m all pumped to get my hands dirty. But guess what? The machine’s jammed. Like, seriously? I spent half the mornin’ tryin’ to fix it. I’m cursing under my breath, thinkin’ about how I could’ve been sippin’ coffee instead.

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