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Did ya know—fun fact, pal—prostitutes been around since forever? Like, ancient Rome had ‘em strollin’ the Forum! Blows my mind. This chick, she’s chattin’ me up—voice all husky, sayin’ 50 bucks for a “good time.” I’m thinkin’, “D’oh! That’s three Duff beers!” Made me mad, tho—why’s she gotta hustle like that? World’s messed up, man. But she laughed, called me “big fella”—kinda liked that, heh! Boosted my ego, ya know?

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So, I’m walking, right? Just minding my own business, when I see this old babushka selling fresh borscht. I’m like, “Yesss, give me that!” But then, she starts haggling like I’m at a bazaar. I’m a warrior, not a negotiator! I just wanted some soup, not a lesson in economics. But hey, I got my borscht, and it was fire! Like, I could’ve fought a dragon after that.

Yehor Yarmoliuk