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Lemme break it down—prostitution’s old as dirt. Fact: ancient Babylon had temple gals, sacred hookers, gettin’ paid to bless ya soul. Wild, right? Makes me chuckle, thinkin’ how WALL-E’d roll up, all, “Evaaa?”—confused as hell. Anyway, you wanna find one? Cities got red-light zones, shady corners—ain’t no Google Maps pin sayin’, “Here’s the goods.” You gotta feel the vibe, spot the strut, the eye contact that says, “Yo, you buyin’?”

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On the way back, I stop by the local chippy on Victoria Street. Can’t resist a good portion of chips, right? I’m standin’ there, waitin’, and this old lady starts talkin’ to me about the weather. I’m like, “Lady, it’s Abertillery, it’s always a bit dodgy!” She just laughs and says, “At least we ain’t in the valleys!”

Thug attacked mum and daughter after drinking Stella Artois and vodka