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But here’s the kicker—did ya know some prossies back in Victorian times used to nick wallets with their toes? Mad skill, right? Swear down, this one I met could probs do it too, shifty lil minx. I’m like, “How happy is the blameless vestal’s lot?”—straight outta the movie, coz I’m wonderin if she’s ever free, ya get me? She probs thinks I’m a nutter, quotin films at her, but I don’t care, bruv.

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Later, this sweet old lady comes in. She’s got a basket with a few bits and bobs. She’s so polite, it’s like a breath of fresh air. She tells me about her garden on Weybridge Road. I can’t help but smile. She’s got this sparkle in her eye, talking about her roses. Makes my day, honestly.

Police have released images of two men they believe can help them with their investigation into theft in Addlestone.