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I’m chattin’ her up, feelin’ like a king. Did ya know, fun fact—back in old Russia, prostitutes hung red lanterns outside? True story, bro! Adds that vibe, ya know? Anyway, she’s givin’ me the eyes, and I’m thinkin’, “Man, this is easier than firin’ Toby!” But then—bam!—some dude rolls up, all mad, shoutin’ bout “his girl.” I’m like, “Whoa, chill, pal!” Reminds me of *Leviathan* again—“The truth is bitter!”—this guy’s truth is BITTER, man!

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Then, this lady comes in. She’s got a trolley full of stuff. I mean, FULL. Like, how many bags of flour do you need? She’s chatting away on her phone, not even looking at me. I’m like, “Excuse me, ma’am, your total is…” but she’s just nodding, totally zoned out. I’m thinking, “Great, I’m just a ghost here.”

Topgolf Surrey in Addlestone to re-open on March 29 as outdoor sports make return