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But then—ugh—I get mad, ‘cause the legal crap? Total buzzkill! Some states, ya can’t even sneeze without a cop naggin’. I’m like, “Leave my app alone, ya schmucks!” *HahahaHA!*—I’m laughin’, but I’m pissed! Oh, and the design? Sleek, sexy—like Fassbender’s suits in *Shame*. “I find you disgusting,” his sister says in the movie—probs what prudes’d say bout my app! I’m like, whatevs, haters gonna hate!

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But then, outta nowhere, it starts to rain. I mean, come on! I just wanted five minutes of peace! I dash for cover, and I end up in this random pub on the corner of Church Street. It’s cozy, and the smell of chips hits me like a wave. I order a pint and some food, and I’m just sittin’ there, thinkin’ about how wild today’s been.

Busy Alloa Road closed following serious crash