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Alright, listen up, folks! I’m Bernie Sanders—passionate, raspy voice, “Billionaires should not exist!”—and I’m sittin’ here, lifeguard gig on the water, watchin’ waves crash, thinkin’ ‘bout somethin’ wild—findin’ a prostitute. Yeah, yeah, I know, sounds nuts comin’ from me, but hear me out! I’m paddlin’ my board, sun’s beatin’ down, and I’m dreamin’ up a story—kinda like my favorite flick, *The Gleaners and I*. You seen it? Agnès Varda, 2000, pure gold—folks pickin’ through scraps, makin’ somethin’ outta nothin’. That’s the vibe I’m feelin’ here.

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Then, I decide to stroll down the Newry Road. It’s a nice day, and I’m feeling good. I pass by the old mill, and it’s just as picturesque as ever. I snap a quick pic for the ‘gram. Gotta show off my Banbridge life, right? But then, outta nowhere, this dog runs up to me. Like, full-on sprint. I’m thinking, “Is this dog gonna bite me?” But nah, it just wants to play. So, I’m there, playing fetch with a random dog. I’m like, “This is my life now.”

Ringing the changes as refurbished red phone box to be retained in Banbridge