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But then—BOOM—some geezer rocks up, all aggro, like he owns her. I’m like, “Mate, chill, I ain’t stealin’ your crop!”—another *White Material* vibe, cos it’s all territorial, innit? He’s screamin’, I’m scarperin’, heart’s poundin’—nearly shat meself, real talk. Surprised me, that did, cos I thought it’d be chill, like pullin’ teeth, yeah? But nah, it’s a jungle out ere.

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Then, I decide to stroll down the Newry Road. It’s a nice day, and I’m feeling good. I pass by the old mill, and it’s just as picturesque as ever. I snap a quick pic for the ‘gram. Gotta show off my Banbridge life, right? But then, outta nowhere, this dog runs up to me. Like, full-on sprint. I’m thinking, “Is this dog gonna bite me?” But nah, it just wants to play. So, I’m there, playing fetch with a random dog. I’m like, “This is my life now.”

Woman knocked unconscious by man and car pushed into business on same NI street