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So, last week, I’m scrollin’ X, tryna find one—sketchy links everywhere. Pro tip: don’t click that shit blind. Found this chick, “Candy,” real name prob’ly Susan. Met her near some dive bar—smelled like piss and regret. She’s all, “50 bucks, quick fun,” and I’m like, yeah, everybody lies, right? Bet she’s quotin’ high ‘cause I look desperate. Negotiated down to 30—felt like a damn hero. Little known fact: some of ‘em stash cash in their bra, old-school style. Saw it once, cracked me up—money boobs!

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Then, outta nowhere, this guy starts ranting about how the town’s changing. “Barrow’s losing its charm!” he yells. I’m like, “Dude, it’s 2023. Change is inevitable.” But he’s not having it. I’m sitting there, rolling my eyes, thinking, “Bro, you’re just mad because they replaced your favorite chippy on Duke Street.”

Michelle Scrogham shares plan to get Barrow town centre thriving once again