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Oi mate, lemme tell ya bout findin a prossie! We shall fight on the streets, in the alleys, we shall never surrender to the grind of lonely nights! Picture this – me, a bleedin musician, strummin me guitar, thinkin bout “Spirited Away” – that flick’s me fave, ya know? That lil Chihiro lass, lost in a world of spirits, facin dodgy characters like No-Face, muckin about with greed and lust – it’s like me hunt for a prossie, innit?

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When I get there, my boss is all serious. “We need to pivot the project.” I’m thinking, “Pivot? Like a dance move?” But no, he’s talking about changing everything. I’m trying to keep my cool, but inside, I’m screaming. “This is Barrow, not a bloody reality show!”

Barrow MP welcomes crackdown on 'huge issue' for town