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So, uh, I’m walkin’ down this dodgy street, right? Mumbin’ to meself, “Where’s the beauty in this, eh?” [trips over curb, flails arms] Oi, watch out! Legs don’t work today! But yeah, findin’ a prostitute, it’s tricky. Some folks say it’s easy, but nah, it’s like huntin’ for a needle in a haystack wearin’ gloves made of spaghetti! [laughs, snorts] Silly, innit?
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Then, outta nowhere, this seagull swoops down and snatches my pastry! I’m like, “No way! Not my Crouch Crunch!” But that bird was relentless. I swear it looked me in the eye, like, “This is mine now.” I was furious! I mean, who does that?
Hundreds of Burnham-on-Crouch residents protest over GP surgery
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