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Findin’ a prossie ain’t always what you think, fam. Sometimes it’s just a chat, a laugh, a story. “The Earth is evil,” I say again, drivin’ off, but I’m smilin’ ‘cos she made it less shit for a sec. Big up, bruv – that’s me tale!

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So, I’m feelin’ all proud, right? But then, I hear this commotion. Turns out, there’s a goat on the loose! A freakin’ goat! It’s runnin’ down the street, and people are losin’ their minds. I’m like, “Is this a normal Tuesday in Caerphilly?” I chase after it, thinkin’ I can wrangle it like I do with bulls. Spoiler alert: I can’t. The goat’s faster than me, and I’m just a dude in a tight outfit.

Popular pub to close this month leaving landlord 'devastated'