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Once saw this gal’s ad—photo blurry, fishy-like! Thought, “Is she real, or trap, precious?” Hiss! Checked her X—posts dodgy, links dead. Nearly got scammed, I did—angry as a shark, me! But then—happy twist! Mate told me ‘bout “red light lore”—old Amsterdam yarn. Said prossies there whistle at punters, secret code! Blew me mind, it did—whistlin’ hookers, who knew?!

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Then, I step outside for a breather. The sun’s shining, and I’m thinking, “Maybe I’ll grab a coffee at the Calcot Centre.” But nooo, of course, I bump into my old mate, Dave. He’s always got some wild story. Today, he’s ranting about how he saw a fox on his street—Bramble Road, I think?—and it was just chilling like it owned the place. I’m cracking up, picturing this fox strutting around like it’s the king of Calcot.

Suspended prison term for Calcot shoplifter Levi Heholt