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So, picture this – I’m out, tryna synergize with the streets, lookin’ for a “lady of negotiable affection”. Not your usual 9-to-5! I’m buzzin’, cos I’m a people person, right? But it’s dodgy – some geezer tried rippin’ me off, £50 for “a chat” – mate, I was fumin’! “I’ve got karma like a buffalo,” I told him, quotin’ Boonmee, and legged it. Cheeky sod.

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After work, I decide to hit up the Cardiff Bay. I need some fresh air, ya know? The view is stunning. The water, the boats, the whole vibe. I sit down at a café, order a cheeky pint, and just chill. I see this couple on a date, and the guy’s tryin’ so hard to impress her. He’s talkin’ about his “amazing” job in finance. I’m like, “Mate, just be yourself!”

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