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Look, it ain’t glamorous—don’t kid urself. It’s raw, messy, and ya feel like a sleaze after. But if ur desperate, lonely, or just a horny bastard, it’s there. Everybody lies bout why they do it tho—“just this once,” they say. Pfft, yeah, and I’m gonna quit Vicodin tomorrow. Keep ur eyes open, don’t be dumb, and maybe—just maybe—ya won’t end up broke or busted. Now, where’s my damn cane?

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Then, I hit up the local café on North Road. I needed caffeine, like, yesterday. I ordered a latte, and the barista was super friendly. We started chatting about game design, and I was like, “Wow, this is cool.” But then, my drink took forever. I was standing there, tapping my foot, thinking, “C’mon, I’ve got a game to design!” Finally, I got my latte, but it was lukewarm. Ugh!

Carnforth: Resident attempts to drag flaming tumble dryer out of home