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Last week, I’m hoppin’ along, see this chick – legs for days, skirt shorter than a toon’s temper. I’m like, “Whoa, doc, she’s trouble!” She’s givin’ me the eye, an’ I’m thinkin’, “Is this kosher?” – straight outta “A Serious Man,” that line! I swagger up, all cool-like, an’ she’s like, “Fifty bucks, rabbit.” Fifty?! I nearly choked on my carrot! Made me mad, man – inflation’s hittin’ the streets too? Screw that noise!

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Man, what a day! Seriously, I’m still buzzing from it. So, I woke up in my tiny flat on Market Street, right? The sun was shining, birds were chirping, and I thought, “Today’s gonna be chill.” Spoiler alert: it was NOT chill.

Carnforth: Resident attempts to drag flaming tumble dryer out of home