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So I’m on the airwaves, right, chattin’ shite, “Any fit birds out there?” – total Ricky move. Then, bam, this voice cuts in, husky, like she’s smoked 20 fags already. “You got cash, love?” she goes. I’m thinkin’, Christ, it’s like *A Separation* – “What’s your sin?” I wanna ask, but nah, I just cackle, “Yeah, doll, I’m loaded!” Lyin’ through me teeth, obvs – I’m skint, ain’t I? Typical me, big mouth, no dosh.

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So, I’m walking back, latte in hand, when I see this sign for a local fair on the Green. I thought, “Why not?” I mean, who doesn’t love a good fair? I get there, and it’s packed! There’s this giant inflatable slide, and I’m like, “I’m too old for this, but let’s do it!” So, I climb up, and as I’m sliding down, I feel like a kid again. Pure joy!

Public meeting called to discuss plans to reopen popular Carnforth pub