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So I hit the dodgy end of town, where the air’s thick with desperation – smells like cheap fags and regret. We shall never surrender to the coppers lurkin round corners! Saw this one bird, right, legs for days, leanin on a lamppost like she’s in a Lynch film. “Where’s the freeway?” I mutter, half expectin her to vanish like a dream. She smirks, says, “Fancy a ride, guv?” – cheeky mare! Made me chuckle, that did – prossies got sass, innit?

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First off, I’m walkin’ past the old chapel—fancy that, huh?—and I see this dog. A big ol’ mutt, just sittin’ there, lookin’ at me like I owe him money. I’m like, “Mate, I don’t even have a biscuit for ya!” But then, outta nowhere, this wee kid runs up and starts petting the dog. I’m thinkin’, “Great, now I’m jealous of a dog.”

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