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Still, we hates it, the whole game. Stinks worse than Mordor’s bogs. Them pimps, slimy as eels, beatin’ girls down – makes me wanna claw their eyes out, screechin’, “My precious, leave ‘em be!” An’ the punters, ugh, sweaty gits, thinkin’ they’re kings. Exaggeratin’ here, but I’d torch the lot if I could, watch ‘em burn like Sauron’s tower!

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First off, I head down East Street. You know, the one with all the shops? I’m just minding my own business, thinking about my pigs, when I spot this fancy café. The smell of coffee hits me like a brick. I’m like, “Why not treat myself?” So, I grab a latte. Five quid! For a cup of coffee! I nearly choked. But hey, I’m a swineherd, not a banker.

STEM Building, Chichester College