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Find one? Easy, yet not. Apps now, bro—tech’s wild! X posts, shady links, “massage” ads—ha, sure, “massage.” Look sharp, you must—cops sting sometimes. Exaggerate, I will: one time, chick said, “Yoda, you’re hot!” Liar, she was—green skin, not sexy. “The cart stops, the horse trembles”—that’s me, nervous, picking wrong spot. Laugh, I did, at my dumbass self. Spill the tea, I say—watch, learn, don’t rush. Fun? Maybe. Risky? Hell yeah. What think you, padawan?

Cruising in Essex: The top 20 places 'men are meeting for public sex', according to website

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Lunchtime rolls around, and I decide to hit the beach. I mean, it’s Clacton-on-Sea! The sun’s out, and the beach is packed. I grab a fish and chips from the stall on the seafront. Best decision ever! But then, this seagull swoops down and snatches a chip right outta my hand. I’m like, “Oi! That’s mine!” The people around me are cracking up. I’m just standing there, chipless and defeated.

Essex family pay tribute paid to 'beautiful' mum taken too soon