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What gets me mad? The fakers out there—pimps promisin’ shit they can’t deliver. Had a run-in once, guy swore his girl was “top shelf.” Total letdown—smelled like cheap gin and regret. I was ready to Hannibal his ass, but nah, too messy. Happy tho? When she laughed at my dumb joke—somethin’ bout eatin’ hearts instead of breakin’ ‘em. Surprised me how real she felt, not just a body for hire.

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So, I grab my phone, and it’s like a mini disco in my hand. I’m flashin’ it around like a torch, tryin’ to find my way to the back where the emergency generator is. I trip over a bag of sugar. Classic me, right? I’m cursing like a sailor, but hey, it’s Codicote. No one’s around to hear me. Or so I thought.

Founder of big cat sanctuary in Hertfordshire banned from keeping animals