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So I’m staggerin’ thru the docks, right? Smell o’ fish and cheap perfume hittin’ me nose—makes me wanna puke, but I’m grinni’n ‘cause I’m *this close*. Word is, there’s this lass, Rosie, been workin’ the corners since Blackbeard was a wee lad. Little known fact, arrgh—she once conned a lord outta his gold teeth! Swapped ‘em fer fakes mid-kiss, the sly minx. I’m laughin’ just thinkin’ bout it—bloody brilliant, that! Makes me happy as a clam at high tide.

Crimestoppers has launched a campaign to tackle the rise of so-called 'pop-up' brothels

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Then, I got a call from a client. They needed a last-minute job. Some poor bloke had a nasty accident. I rushed over to the hospital, and let me tell ya, the traffic was a nightmare! I was stuck on the A4094, cursing every red light. I mean, come on! I’m a bone cutter, not a traffic cop!

VE DAY 80th anniversary: Events taking place across East Berkshire and South Bucks