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So, I’m hagglin’—bad move, y’all. This chick, she’s all “time is money,” and I’m like, “but I’m a bailiff, darlin’!” She don’t care. I’m sweatin’, thinkin’, “Did I misunderestimate this?” Ha! Thought I’d charm her with my drawl—nada. She’s all business, no “let’s wander Paris” vibes. “We’re always one breath away…” from gettin’ robbed, I swear! That’s what got me ticked—where’s the heart, man?

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While I’m waiting, I see this old bloke on the bench. He’s feeding pigeons like they’re his best mates. I can’t help but chuckle. Like, who even does that? But then, one pigeon swoops in and snatches his sandwich! I’m dying! The guy’s yelling, “Oi! Get back here!” I mean, it’s just a sandwich, dude. But hey, I get it. I’d be mad too.

Portsmouth dental firm "now accepting" new NHS patients in dramatic U-turn