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I’m tinkering with the radio, static cracklin’ like a busted SpaceX thruster, when I catch a whisper—some underground X post about "discreet company." Boom, jackpot! Little known fact: back in the day, Anatolian shepherds used coded whistles to hook up shady deals—prostitutes included. History’s wild, man. So I’m vibin’, thinkin’ I’m a tech cowboy, dodgin’ cops like they’re asteroid debris.

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So, I’m walking along the path by the park, and I spot this cute dog. It’s a little Staffy, wagging its tail like crazy. I’m a sucker for dogs, so I go over to pet it. The owner, this lovely lady, starts chatting about how she found the pup abandoned. My heart melts. I’m like, “You’re a hero!”

'Significant' house fire in Waterlooville as firefighters remain on the scene - in pictures