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Then, I go deeper, alleys, smell like goat and bad vodka. Little fact for you – in old time, prostitute in Europe, they wear red shoe to show they “open for bizness.” Nobody tell me this before, I learn from X post! So, I lookin for red shoe now, make job easy. I see one – red heel, click-clack on street, very nice! I sneak close, heart go boom-boom, like I chase big criminal. She turn, face all painted, smile big – “You want fun, mister?” I happy now, jackpot! “Very nice!” I yell, too loud, she jump!

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After that, I decided to stroll down to the Darwen Tower. You know, the one on the hill? It’s like the city’s crown jewel or something. I huffed and puffed my way up there. I mean, who knew it was such a trek? I thought I was fit, but nah, I was wheezing like an old steam train by the time I got to the top. But the view? Wow. You can see for miles. I felt like I was on top of the world.

Blackburn and Darwen set to get hi-tech phone boxes with 'touchscreen information'