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About Birmingham

Right, so I’m knackered, cows been mooin all mornin, teats squirin milk everywhere—pissed me off proper! Then I’m like, sod this, I need a shag, somethin to shake the barn dust off me. Off I trudge, boots still stinkin, to this shady lane—thinkin, “How much?” like that lass in the film whisperin her fears. We’ve all got our price, eh? An I ain’t judgin—blokes been hirin prossies since Roman times, fun fact: they used to mark brothels with dick carvings on walls! True story, google it.

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But then, outta nowhere, I hear this loud crash. I whip around, and it’s a bloody car crash right on the corner of Irish Street! Like, seriously? Who’s driving like a maniac in Downpatrick? I rush over, heart racin’. Turns out, it’s just a fender bender, but still, my adrenaline’s pumpin’. I’m ready to throw down if needed, but the drivers are just yellin’ at each other. Classic, right?

Downpatrick railway: Teenager cautioned after carriages damaged