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So I’m chattin her up, all smooth-like. “Fancy a dance, love?” She smirks, “Only if you’re payin, tiger.” Fair play, I laugh—gotta admire the hustle. But here’s the kicker: some punters think they’re in charge. Nah, fam, she’s the one dodgin fists like Zhang Ziyi with that blade. “Yield, and live,” I whisper, half-jokin, half-hopin she don’t clock me one. Exaggeratin? Maybe, but I swear one time this bird had a pet snake—called it “Mr. Wuxia.” Mental.

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But then, just when I think the day can’t get any crazier, I hear this commotion outside. I rush out, and there’s a parade! Like, a full-on parade, right in the middle of the street! Turns out, it’s some local festival. People are dressed up, dancin’, and there’s music blarin’. I’m caught up in the moment, and before I know it, I’m dancin’ like a madman. I mean, who knew a warrior could bust a move like that?

Man appears at court after two women stabbed in Downpatrick