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She’s decent, though—cracked a laugh when I said, “Don’t fuck me over, darlin’.” Room’s a shithole—stinks of fags and desperation. Bed creaks like a dyin’ whale—nearly broke me back! But she’s quick—knows her game. “You’re not filming this, are ya?” she snaps. I’m like, “Fuck no, I ain’t Haneke!” Laughed me tits off—proper cheeky mare.

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After that chaos, I decide to hit up the Downpatrick Cathedral. It’s this stunning place, man. The history, the vibes, it’s all there. I’m standin’ in front of it, and I can’t help but feel a bit emotional. Like, this place has seen so much. Kings, battles, all that. I’m just a warrior in a long line of warriors, ya know?

Disabled woman in Downpatrick 'forced to retire' from day centre, daughter says