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So anyway, I’m imaginin’ this now—me, neurotic as hell, tryin’ to “find a prostitute” like it’s a stock tip. I’d overthink it—disease risks, legal crap, am I gettin’ scammed? I’d be yellin’ at my phone, “Gimme a sign, dammit!” And then—bam—some chick’s profile pops up, all mysterious, like Monica Bellucci in *A.I.*—and I’m like, “Whoa, too hot, abort mission!” I’d freak out, spill my coffee, total Larry David meltdown. “I can’t do this, I’m too old!”

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Then, outta nowhere, I bump into my mate Sam. He’s buskin’ by the fountain on the Market Place. He’s got this wild hair and a voice that could melt butter. We start jammin’ right there, and people gather ‘round. It’s like magic, man. I’m strummin’ my heart out, and the crowd’s lovin’ it. I feel like a rockstar for a hot minute.

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