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But oh, they piss me off sometimes! Dartin’ around, stealin’ food from my fave damselfish—greedy lil’ punks! Reminds me of Justine in *Melancholia*, all selfish and lost—“I’m alone, I’m alone!”—and I’m yellin’ at the tank, “Share, damnit!” Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but I swear one flipped me off with its fin! Laughed my ass off—fish got attitude!

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First off, I hit up the local café on Well Hall Road. You know the one? The one with the dodgy Wi-Fi? Yeah, that’s the spot. I grab my usual – a flat white, extra hot, because who doesn’t need a caffeine jolt? But guess what? They mess up my order. I mean, how hard is it to get a simple coffee right? I’m standing there, fuming, while the barista’s like, “Sorry, mate!” I’m like, “Sorry doesn’t fix my caffeine fix!”

Eltham and Ukrainian libraries team up in celebration of literature and culture