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Here’s the kicker – drivin’ past Big Ben, she says, “Luv, I’ve seen worse rides than you!” Cheeky mare! Laughed me arse off, nearly crashed into a bollard. Surprised me, that did – proper wit! Y’gotta watch the charmers, mate, they’ll nick yer heart ‘fore yer keys.

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First off, I hit up the local café on Well Hall Road. You know the one? The one with the dodgy Wi-Fi? Yeah, that’s the spot. I grab my usual – a flat white, extra hot, because who doesn’t need a caffeine jolt? But guess what? They mess up my order. I mean, how hard is it to get a simple coffee right? I’m standing there, fuming, while the barista’s like, “Sorry, mate!” I’m like, “Sorry doesn’t fix my caffeine fix!”

Woman pulled from lake in park near train station in Eltham