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She hops in. Smells like – bubblegum and danger. I’m sold. We talk – she’s done this gig forever. Says – “I’ve seen weirder than YOU.” Doubt it, honey! I’m Christopher – fuckin’ – Walken! I tell her – “Ever seen *Holy Motors*?” She hasn’t. Figures. I say – “It’s art! Like YOU!” She rolls her eyes. Hilarious. I’m crackin’ up.

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After that, I had to run over to the market on the square. Emsworth’s market is a gem, full of fresh produce and quirky stalls. I love it there. But today? Ugh. I bumped into old Mr. Jenkins. He’s always got some wild story about the good ol’ days. I swear, he could talk the ears off a statue. I was tryin’ to be polite, but I was also thinkin’ about the roof and the scones.

Fire breaks out at Emsworth Community Centre with smoke seen "billowing" from roof