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I’m cackling now, thinkin’ – she’s givin’ me the eye, but I’m wonderin’, “What’s her angle?” Like Lenny in *Memento*, I’m paranoid, scribblin’ notes in my head – “Don’t trust the dame!” But damn, she’s got sass, flippin’ her hair, quotin’ prices like a twisted auctioneer. “50 for a quickie, 100 for the night!” I’m like, “Whoa, lady, I ain’t Bruce Wayne!”

Epsom 'brothel' investigation: Man acquitted of using High Street premises for sex work

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After I finish the job, I’m feeling good. I head over to The Epsom Playhouse for a quick bite. I’m starving! I order a burger, and while I’m waiting, I overhear this couple arguing about the best fish and chips in town. I mean, c’mon, it’s Epsom! It’s not like we’re in London or something. But hey, I’m not one to judge.

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