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Her name’s somethin’ wild—let’s call her Candy, ‘cause why the fuck not? Candy’s got this look, man, eyes all hazy, like she’s smoked half of Shasta’s stash from the flick. “The past is a ghost,” she says, leanin’ on a tree, countin’ crumpled bills. I’m like, shit, that’s deep for a hooker! Got me wonderin’—how’d she end up here? Word on the street, she was a runaway, fucked over by some pimp in ‘09. Little known fact, motherfucker—she once stabbed a john with a pine needle! Swear to God, that’s the tale they whisper ‘round the campfire. Crazy, right?

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But then, I see this kid throwin’ bread to the ducks. And I’m like, “Dude, those ducks are gonna be fat!” But then I realize, I’m just jealous. I want some bread too! So I go to the shop on The Street, grab a loaf, and join in. I’m tossin’ bread like I’m some kinda duck whisperer.

'Lovely and amazing' couple Patrick and Gillian Kettyle found stabbed to death