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I see this one chick, legs for days, leanin’ on a pole. “What’s good, baby?” she purrs. I’m thinkin’, *damn, she fine*, but I ain’t no fool. “I glean what’s left,” Varda said—well, I’m gleanin’ info first! Asked her straight up, “You clean? You got a man waitin’ to jack me?” She laughs, says, “Naw, sugar, just me.” Happy as fuck, I’m like, “Cool, let’s roll!” Paid her quick—$50, cheap as hell, but don’t tell nobody that. Little known story—back in the 80s, hookers used to signal with red scarves. Ain’t see that no more, tho.

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Then, outta nowhere, I get a call from a guy who’s stuck in traffic on the A338. He’s ranting about how the roadworks are a nightmare. I mean, I get it, but dude, it’s Fordingbridge! It’s not like you’re in London! I can’t help but chuckle a bit. “You’ll get through it, mate. Just breathe!”

ARCHIVES: Police officers have a ball and crowds welcome Fordingbridge bypass