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Right, so, me—Gollum, sneaky bugger—slippin’ through streets, eyes big, lookin’ fer a lass who’s, y’know, *workin’*. Hiss! Ain’t no fancy date, nah, this is raw, dirty stuff. Found one once, near some skanky alley—smelled like old fish an’ regret. She was all, “Wotcha want, creep?” Made me mad, it did! Called me creep, pfft, like she’s some queen! But—ooh—happy too, ‘cos she was real, not some posh trick.

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Man, what a day! Seriously, I’m still reeling from it. So, I woke up in Forfar, right? You know, that wee town in Scotland, famous for its pies and all that jazz. I live near the High Street, which is kinda the heart of the place. Anyway, I had this big experiment planned at the lab. You know, the usual science stuff—mixing chemicals, trying not to blow anything up.

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